Crossroads – Why We Choose the Path We Choose July 27, 2015

Back view of businesswoman standing on crossroads and making choice

Crossroads: a point at which a crucial decision must be made that will have far-reaching consequences. 

I started writing this sentence with “as I look back,” but I quickly changed my mind.  As I look forward, I see a myriad of intersections that I can choose to take.   There are moments when that realization becomes truly daunting to me.

I think it is human nature to fear change.  Even if we are not satisfied with our current reality, it seems so much safer than making a change and walking into an unknown future. The risk can be downright frightening, especially at the time of life when each decision seems to matter more than ever before.

Having said that, as I look back, I can see the many forks in the road that I chose to take that forever changed my path. Each one was more difficult to choose than the one before because, as I matured, I had more to lose.  Though some parts of the road were very difficult to navigate, I can truly say I have only one regret. It doesn’t weigh me down as much as it once did because along the way, I believe that I have found God’s forgiveness for that mistake.  It was a decision made out of fear and as all decisions made out of fear go, it was the wrong choice.  I feel blessed to have found forgiveness inside myself for that moment and blessed because I learned to conquer the fear that often wells up inside me.  I pray I never again choose a path out of fear.

We all have certain ideas or goals that motivate us to chose which fork in the road to take.  Money is a powerful motivator for many.  For me, money is a necessary tool.  It is good, but it is not my primal motivator.  I never verbalized my true motivator until my friend, Yamy Abay-Grillone gave me a beautiful gift.  It was a leather cuff with three silver chains laid across it made by her own hand.  On each chain was a pendent.  One was two intertwined hearts, the next was a cross and the final pendant was a bird in flight.  When she gave me this lovely gift, she asked me if I knew why she had chosen each symbol.  I guessed the first two easily enough, the love I hoped for and the faith I keep deep in my heart.  The third stumped me for a moment.  The delicate silver bird dangled and winked at me as I mulled it over.  Yamy looked at me and said, “What is it that you most want in this world?”

It hit me at that moment.  FREEDOM.  My friend knew me better than I ever imagined.

I understand clearly now, that one of the most powerful motivators in my life is freedom.  The freedom I seek is not from responsibility or from those I love.  It is the freedom to choose my path on my own terms.  That above all things fills me with discipline and passion.  I am happy and grateful for the company of so many on my life’s journey, but I will not be at the mercy of anyone but my God.  I do not write this with arrogance.  I write it so I may never forget it.

I wish you freedom my friends.  Freedom from all that holds you down or holds you back from being your authentic self.

Intimate Strangers – Chapter 11 July 22, 2015

killer with gun isolated on a black background
** Note: Soft Focus at 100%, best at smaller sizes

Hi everyone!  As summer heats up, so does “Intimate Strangers”!  I hope you enjoy Chapter 11!

http://annamfigueroa.com/2015/07/23/intimate-strangers-chapter-11/

Ya Me Dicen Señora – Now They Call Me Ma’am July 10, 2015

Últimamente, me estoy dando cuanta de muchos cambios en mi vida. Me miro al espejo y hay momentos en que no me reconozco. Mi piel, mi pelo, mis caderas…todo ha cambiado. Algunas cosas me gustan mas ahora, otras no. Pero mas allá de lo físico, me doy cuenta del cambio en mi mirada.

Ya no soy la niña bonita, estudiosa y reservada que fui hace tantos años, ni tampoco la joven llena de hormonas revueltas y sueños románticos.

Ya no soy la novia caminando hacia el que se convertiría en esposo, acercándome a aquel quien me daría el regalo de nuestro amado hijo y un aprendizaje profundo sobre el dolor y la transformación de ese dolor en algo bonito.

Ya no soy la madre joven, preocupada por el dinero y por el porvenir de mi pequeño niño. Tampoco soy esa mujer que se cuestionaba cada decisión de su camino. Ya no existe la mujer que no podía entender porque la vida se había convertido en un difícil camino hacia una cima tan lejana que parecía imposible de conquistar. Desapareció la mujer que se sentía tan sola y desprotegida, pequeña delante de sus problemas.

Ya no me dicen “mi niña” ni “princesa”. Hoy me dicen SEÑORA.

La mirada de los hombres cuando entro en un sitio ya no es sola de admiración física, sino también de respeto. No hay chiflidos ni miradas morbosas ya.   Ahora hay inclinaciones de cabeza y sonrisas medidas. Me miran a los ojos en vez que a mi cuerpo.

Y eso es bueno.

Ya me dicen señora. Es mejor así. Me he ganado ese titulo con mucho esfuerzo y sacrificio. El tiempo me ha regalado ese titulo. Me doy cuenta que ser señora significa que he pasado la prueba de la vida y sobreviví. No solo sobreviví, sino que salí mejor y mas grande de cada época de la vida.

Si, ya soy señora y a mucha honra. Saludo a todas las señoras en este mundo. Son mujeres hechas y derechas, completas. Todas sabemos ya quienes somos y nos sentimos orgullosas de serlo. Somos ejemplos vivos para las niñas y las jóvenes que aspiran y sueñan.

¡Que vivan las señoras!

ENGLISH VERSION BELOW:

Lately, I’ve noticed many changes in my life. I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes I don’t recognize myself. My skin, my hair, and my hips…everything has changed. Some things are more to my liking now, others not so much. Beyond the physical, I realize that the look in my eyes has changed.

I’m not the pretty little girl, studious and reserved, that I was so many years ago. Nor am I the young woman filled with raging hormones and romantic dreams.

I’m no longer the bride walking towards the man who would become a husband; no longer getting closer to the man who would gift me with my beloved son and a deep lesson about pain…and the transformation of that pain into something good.

Nor am I the young mother I once was; worried about money and about my little boy’s future. I am not the woman who constantly questioned her every decision on life’s path. The woman who couldn’t understand why life had become a difficult road towards a summit that seemed impossible to reach. That woman, the one who felt so alone and unprotected, so small before her problems, has disappeared.

No one calls me “my baby” or “princess” anymore. Now they call me MA’AM.

When I walk into a room, men don’t ogle me. There are no whistles or catcalls. Now when I enter a room, I receive respectful nods and measured smiles. Now men look me in the eyes instead of just at my body.

That is a good thing.

Now they call me Ma’am. It’s better this way. I have earned that title after much effort and sacrifice. Time has gifted me with that title. I realize that being called Ma’am means that I have passed life’s tests and survived. More than just surviving, I came out of each stage of life better and bigger for it.

So yes, I’m now a ma’am and proud of it. I salute all the “ma’ams” in this world. We are women, forged in fire and complete. We know who we are and feel pride in that truth. We are role models for girls and young women who aspire and dream.

Long live the “ma’ams”!

Intimate Strangers – Chapter Ten July 6, 2015

Police Line Tape on a Black Background

A little late but here is Chapter 10.  I hope you enjoy it!  Click below:

http://annamfigueroa.com/2015/07/07/intimate-strangers-chapter-10/