Today I want to share one of the most liberating exercises that I have ever done. I just spoke with a dear friend who is and always has been a very beautiful woman. She has invested in that beauty throughout the years, nipping and tucking here and there. She turns 75 years old today. As we spoke, she shared with me that all she can see now in the mirror are her wrinkles. I could sense the sadness in her voice.
I shared with her the exercise that I am learning to do daily that is slowly changing the way I look at myself and measure my beauty. I’m still working on it but I promise you, it’s a powerful exercise that will change your life one day at a time.
In our society, we women have a very tough time aging. We are bombarded constantly with air-brushed images of 15 year old girls made up to look like angel-hookers (yes, I know that isn’t a thing but that is what it looks like to me). We are held up to these unreal standards of beauty from the time we are just little girls. Barbie, Cinderella and the covers of fashion mags set us up to feel inadequate at an incredibly young age. Selena Gomez sings “I just want to look good for you…” to our girls over and over each day.
In the United States and most developed countries there are entire billion dollar industries that exsist solely to remedy the myriad of “defects” they have convinced us that we have. We are all like guinea pigs on a wheel trying to reach an impossible perfection that someone else created for us. I guarantee that if we spent even a fifth of what we women spend in cosmetics, plastic surgery and Spanks each year on education or feeding the needy, we would find that we truly can change the world.
Reality (hypocrasy) check: I wear makeup, have had surgery and own Spanks. I’m no different than you my sisters! I obsess over my real and imagined physical “defects” as much as anyone else. I believe there is a time and a place for Botox and that my eyelashes disappear if I don’t wear mascara.
However, I am changing a little inside by doing this:
I stand in front of my mirror and look myself in the eyes. At first I can’t do it. I am immediately distracted by my wrinkles and excess weight. I stare at the scars across my chest. I feel a true resentment against my thighs. I begin to forget why I’m standing there as I inventory all my supposed defects. Eventually, I catch myself, shake it off and try again.
Sometimes it takes several tries but finally, I look only into my own eyes. I stare at myself until I see the eyes of the little girl I once was. I say hello to little Anna and hug her in my heart. Then I keep looking until I see the eyes of the teenage girl I became. I welcome her with love and forgiveness for all the mistakes she made. I tell her that I’m sorry I didn’t realize how gorgeous she was until I had left her behind.
I go on, embracing the college student Anna, congratulating her for graduating through marriage, pregnancy and a divorce. Soon I see the young, naive bride Anna, then the single mother Anna and on and on…until I am looking at them all in the eyes reflected back at me.
With each encounter in my mirror, I remember and reclaim the beauty of each of the women I am inside. I embrace the strength and frailty of every part of me until I see the beauty I hold inside and out. The mirror is no longer my enemy, it is now my bridge into my true self. The reflection no longer serves to make me feel bad about me. It serves only to remind me that I am strong and that I carry the mark of my bloodline in every curve of my face.
I’m still working on not forgetting all of that when I am in front of the mirror later on in the day. It’s not easy but I’m getting better at it. I hope this will help you to love what you see when you stand before your own reflection. You are strong and you are beautiful.
Midnight Thoughts 